singing the ipanema songs......
is there a space out there where one can be just himself
no question asked on where’s he from, what he does for a living, what’s his status
no moral obligation, no responsibilities, no role, no expectation
where one can talk freely abt his feelings, his dreams, his desires, his loves…
is there?
recently, the thought of escaping has constantly come into my mind…
this is not the first time, and i am rather certain that it isnt going to be the last…
since I graduated, whenever I face the possibility of failing or challenges that I’m fearful of… the first thought that pops into my mind is to, well, turn and run away from it or simply calling it quit.
it happened when I was doing advertising, it happened this year with teaching (thanks goodness for the 3 years bond) , it happens every single time, I fought with K, and now it’s happening again.
actually, i don’t exactly hate the job thou i still can’t see myself doing what im supposed to do in 3 months time. nor do I dislike the pple I’m working with. in fact, I adore some of these folks. but i just so absolutely loath the feeling of losing. it irks me so ever frequently that it’s starting to make me lose my sleep, and brings out the uglier side of me. thou, as a matter of fact, I very much owe my honours to this competitive streak of mine. it has somehow become a tad unbearable for me lately
silly, i know. and the fact that Im getting one step closer to the 30s, i should be mature enough to be less conscious abt others, and focus on my battle, using my competitive streak as a motivation instead of a deterrent, and as mel said, face the darn reality.
easier said than done.
no matter what, im not gonna quit without putting up a good fight. i owe myself that little respect
one major advantage of getting a new job is getting the legitimate reason to shop not that i really need one… even my mother in law told me almost immediately it’s time for more shopping (haha she knows that i shop even when there’s no occasion to) when we told her abt the new job.
so the last 2 weeks i’ve been scouting the major malls for appropriate wkwear. to my dismay, the trips have been quite fruitless. just yesterday, I spent 2 hrs combing haji lane and bugis junction without buying a single thing.
oh why oh why can’t they bring in the stylish and affordable h & m and asos from uk. why can’t they have less frilly less satin less chiffon looking tops… why can’t they have simple, classic and comfort tops hanging in their stores.
oh why?
after close to 3 months of resting at home and countless of application emails sent out… I finally got myself a job.
a job that I was dying to have when I was just a fresh uni grad… and after so long finally convinced myself that i wasn’t just cut out for it. Yet this is the one that I have the least trouble applying for..applied on mon morning, got invitation for interview in the same aftn, went for interview 2 days later, got shortlisted at the end of it, went thru a test on fri for formality sake, got the offer on 2 days later. got this happened within a week or so. interestingly, i wasn’t as keen as I was before. before i left my previous job, I was all set to step into the civil sector, thinking that I should be able to do well in it. unfortunately, it wasn’t quite like what i’ve imagined. nothing quite excites me whenever I went for the job briefing during the interviews, i kept thinking that this won’t be something that I will like to do for the rest of my life, at least not the next 5 years or so. to the point that I can’t answer pple’s question, what kind of job are you looking for? yes, what exactly am i looking for? it’s scary coz I don’t have the answer to that question myself. and just today, I got another offer for an interview, and I actually started to ponder, have i made the right choice in taking up the previous offer? did i take it up because im sick of staying at home? did i just grab the job as a buoy? i’m left with a week to find out. wish me luck.
as our friends know, k and I don’t really cook at home. we prefer to have our meals outside, it’s more convenient, more variety and strangely more economical, consider the fact that I normally spent close to 40 bucks each time I cook. so other than the food itself, the service is one of crucial factors that determines whther we will be returning to the same place in the near future. unfortunately, we are often left quite disappointed with the local service.
just today, we went to a chinese restaurant at the nearly opened mall in orchard. i was served with a wobbly plate (if I can call it a plate) of noodles, which wobble everytime I tried to scope the content out. k found this totally unacceptable as this place is brand new.so he got the server to change the plate. poor girl, she didnt seem to understand what k wanted and k has to repeat his request. but this time, with a scary look on his face. even I got a shock from his reaction. bleah.
later at the famous macaroon place, we were again served with a chipped teapot and were made to wait 20 mins for our order thou the place wasnt at all crowded. and as i thought the service was bad enough, i overheard the below conversations.
customer A : table for 2
server: you sit there. * pointing at an empty table
customer B: any seat inside?
the same server: inside no seat, sit outside
erm… not even a word of apology? oh gosh, it was totally appalling. to think that this is the baby sister of THE famous french restaurant (thou I personally feel that the food was overrated and way over priced but we totally enjoyed the top notched service there) i guess the singapore service is not up to scratch. maybe it’s the culture, maybe it’s the pathetic pay, maybe singaporeans just have lower expectation or k said, we have simply given up.
I have been coming up with million of excuses just to stay away from school for the past 2 days. I know there still are plenty of work left undone, still tons of things that need to be packed, cleared or thrown away. But I just just dread dread the idea of going back, even if noone is around.
it’s precisely such dreary feeling, such negative thoughts, such fears that are totally unaccounted for that prompted me to reconsider my future. is it worth leading a life with such heavy heart and sleepless nights at the end of each and every weekend and holiday? the answer is obvious
today marked the last day of my teaching career…
or rather my last day with these pupils
strangely, I wasn’t overwhelmed by any emotion
i must admit i am a pretty emotional person,
even moe recruitment ads can get me teary at times
hence I was pretty shocked that I didnt feel any tinge of sadness leaving my class
well well, what can I say, it has been proven
if I stay any longer,
it will have detrimental effects on both me and my pupils
a sense of uncertainty creeps in as decision was made
unsure about what the future might hold for me, I fear for the unknown
leaving the familiar sanctuary to venture into the world which I have drifted away for so long might seem too risky a move for many others, even for myself
but I fear that staying in the cushy environment for a prolonged period might just leave me feeling lost and aimless or worse, too sane
it’s a drastic step, but it’s the step that I have to take
wish me luck
I have come to a decision
we are hooked… officially to the karaokeparty.com
after reading the article on ST, the two non-KTV lovers decided to visit the site
and then
before we knew it.. we were fighting to be in front of the laptop, singing to the pathetic little mic…
screaming our lungs out, trying to hit every note….
unfortunately, thou we already know it, we’ve to admit we ain’t exactly great singers
the system can hardly capture our voice… which simply means we are off-tune/off-pitch most of the time.
it’s totally embarassing… ha
guess we will still have to practice for quite awhile at this site before heading down to KTV to sing infront of our peers.
