虽然名知道这些小男生只是跟我在打哈哈 在逗我
（什么当老师的、yadayada）
还是觉得怪有趣的
是啊
毕竟
我们只是萍水相逢
完全不必
真心对待

as more and more of my friends joined me at the age of 29… an awkward age that separates you from the 20s and the dreadful 30s… the reality of me reaching the big 3 suddenly hit me… big time.  i am proud of my age or at least i think i am. and i never intend to hide my age from anyone. not that i am confident about the way i look or satisfied with the kind of achievement i have gained (what achievement) so far, it is because i never quite feel my age. i still fall when i walk, i still blush when i see a cute angmoh, i still get buises and cuts from god knows where … i still love to have fun and almost couldn’t resist any temptation that promises  good fun. i refuse number of adult responsibilities (according to k), constantly living in denial (avoiding all things unpleasant) … in other words, i simply refuse to grow up…

as the reality is closing in … i guess my time of avoidance is almost up… it’s time to clean up my act and accept that i am (no matter how much i hate the idea) a grown up afterall

to stay focus, to stay in touch, to stay in love,

or simply

to stay me…

p.s. i need to update this blog a lil more often

chasing after my folly
chasing away the blue

it’s been exhausting…
now all i need
is to lay still and listen

so will you lay next to me and hold my hand?

cheongsam…

i have to admit, i am an addict to this extremely feminine and traditional form of chinese fashion

in fact, for the past few years, shopping for cheongsam during the cny period has become a ritual for me

esp after i have fallen deeply in love with the one kim made for me for my big day

and this year, i have gone way ‘overboard’ by getting 2 brand new ones

i know…

cheongsam is not something that you’ll wear for work

it’s not even something you’ll wear for a night out

and the fact that i hardly wore my collection more than once tells quite a bit

but i just can’t seem to stop myself for laying my hands on those lovely coloured shangtung silk, or lace or nice traditional cotton buttons

browse these webs, and perhaps you just might be able to understand why

www.tongtong.sg

www.dylan.sg

www.mymandarincollar.com

and poor k can finally feel relieved  after an extremely tensed weekend (his school did fairly alright for his subject)

and as he shared with me about the school result… it brought back memories of the day when my dear kids got their psle result…

memories of how it hurts me when i saw my p4 students getting upset over their result despite the amount of effort they’ve put in…

memories of how thrilled i was when my students began to have confidence in themselves and have faith in me…

memories of how happy i was when they embraced me and told their parents that i was their teacher…

interestingly,

i just can’t wait for my short stay in bank to be over and head right back into teaching…

.

i have neglected my health for the longest time.

the effects for all the late nights, drinking and puffing away have started to show.

and the lack of exercise has made all these worse.

my body is now screaming for attention by:

making me cough almost non stop for the past 1 month

giving me a throat infection that never seem to fully recover despite of all those horrible medication I’ve taken

gracing me with s fever that comes and goes…

and now.. developing a painful stye on my left eye

i know.

something has to be done, well, immediately

while K is out having a leading a healthy lifestyle by going for a swim

the least I can do is … to stop living in denial and do something about my health. perhaps starting from the drinking and puffing part. now, just where’s the list for my 2010 NY resolution?

and i was hoping to use this 2 weeks to

catch up with pple that i haven’t seen for age…

do things that i have always wanted to do but in an interesting way just couldn’t find time to…

strangely,

i hardly accomplished any of the above

in fact i found myself at home straight after work most of the time

maybe that’s my way of missing my man.

p.s. the idea of returning to the place where k proposed is giving me the natural ‘high’ … i think i might end up hopping my way to the plane… =)

no question asked on where’s he from, what he does for a living, what’s his status

no moral obligation, no responsibilities, no role, no expectation

where one can talk freely abt his feelings, his dreams, his desires, his loves…

is there?

recently, the thought of escaping has constantly come into my mind…

this is not the first time, and i am rather certain that it isnt going to be the last…

since I graduated, whenever I face the possibility of failing or challenges that I’m fearful of… the first thought that pops into my mind is to, well, turn and run away from it or simply calling it quit.

it happened when I was doing advertising,  it happened this year with teaching (thanks goodness for the 3 years bond) , it happens every single time, I fought with K, and now it’s happening again. 

actually, i don’t exactly hate the job thou i still can’t see myself doing what im supposed to do in 3 months time. nor do I dislike the pple I’m working with. in fact, I adore some of these folks. but i just so absolutely loath the feeling of losing. it irks me so ever frequently that it’s starting to make me lose my sleep, and brings out the uglier side of me.  thou, as a matter of fact, I very much owe my honours to this competitive streak of mine. it has somehow become a tad unbearable for me lately

silly, i know. and the fact that Im getting one step closer to the 30s, i should be mature enough to be less conscious abt others, and focus on my battle, using my competitive streak as a motivation instead of a deterrent, and as mel said, face the darn reality.

easier said than done.

no matter what, im not gonna quit without putting up a good fight. i owe myself that little respect